Have you ever scrolled on your timeline and come across this question, "What if your child is gay?", I come across this question a lot, especially on Facebook, I have never come across the question, "What if your child is heterosexual?", though!
The conversation around how parents and expecting parents perceive homosexuality is important, mainly because the fact of the matter is, your child may just be gay because heterosexuality is not a default setting.
Although the question irritates me it can bring an important conversation around the fact that parents and expecting parents, need to start educating themselves on these issues if they have not already.
If you are reading this blog, it means you do have the resources to explore this topic and spread the word. It is also important to equip yourself with enough knowledge about this to be able to love and support your child in the future, and to be a better human being to others.
As a black woman, I have experienced so much discrimination because of my gender and race. I know exactly what it feels like to be dehumanised because I look different from someone else. I was sexualised from when I could hardly even understand what sex was, older men in my community saw me as an object for their sexual fantasies to a point of calling my ripe by the time I was just entering puberty.
I understand the pain of being defined and limited by society just because I am a woman, being told I cannot do this or that with my body and treated as if I cannot think for myself. I have been insulted, taunted, and cat-called by strangers, and even groped in public.
So as a mother and a parent, it is important to me that I love my children and become their safe space. Especially because I know what it feels like to not have that safe space. A space where you are loved unconditionally with no judgment, a space where you can run to for love and comfort, especially when the rest of the world rejects you.
So I often think about the fact that my children will one day talk about their crush on someone at school, in the neighborhood or anywhere really and that easily be someone of their same gender. Oops, I hope the homophobes are okay, yes silly, someone of the same gender.
I never fantasize or look forward to them having a wife just because they are boys. I look forward to them finding love, whomever that love is from, I want them to experience a love that is authentic and real, the gender or sexuality of that person who gives them that love will not have me question it.
Especially because I understand that as a parent my voice and approval will always matter to my children. I will be as they are to me, a significant part of their lives.
I fell in love with my children before I knew them and my love for them grew before I even touched them - How can I then limit what authentic and real love is or how it should look especially on based on gender?
I am not a perfect mother, I doubt anyone ever is, but every day I try to be the best for my children. Growing up without a mother myself and my childhood riddled with emotional, physical, and psychological abuse, I see it fit to do the work for them in ensuring I don't box or define them, they will define themselves.
I do fear for my children, I fear that they will be killed if they are homosexual, raped, taunted, bullied, and othered. I know this can happen even if they are cisgender and heterosexua, but the danger increases when a person is gay. I sometimes read, watch, and see other people's stories and wonder why I brought them to this world.
I have read stories about how parents want to beat homosexuality out of their children, pray it away, or fix them. I can only imagine how that must cause emotional and psychological pain that lasts a lifetime. It's sad, that one can want to abuse someone in that way because they are different, especially someone they are meant to love and protect.
But I want to channel my fear into helping create a better world for them, a more loving, tolerant, and humane society.
And this is thanks to the many queer people who have worked so hard to get our society to were it is today, who put themselves in the line each and every day by just existing, many working tirelessly in their activism.
It really starts with you, changing your mindset.
So what if my children are gay? Then they are gay!!!!!!!!!
Happy pride month
Resources: https://www.familyequality.org/neighborhood/